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Heart Chakra: Unconditonal Love

We have all heard of the concept of unconditional love, but through our expectations, attachments, and at times inability to forgive (even ourselves) it can be very hard to put this into practice.  Learning to understand our expectations, monitor our attachments, and forgive is a part of learning to love unconditionally.  Understanding that we can not or should not control another person’s reactions, feelings, or choices in life is a long lesson in understanding our own selves.

Everyone has needs and lessons they are trying to fulfill.  Understanding yours will help you understand others.  Expanding what you have learned through acceptance of everyone’s freedom to have their own reality can assist you in forgiving their mistakes.  We’re all human, we’re all in this together, and no one is getting out ‘alive’ in this incarnation.  Remember, allow yourself your own limitations, understand your own mistakes, and forgive and love yourself unconditionally so that you may share that with others.

When you love someone (or even yourself) unconditionally, you do not base your love or affection on whether or not they meet your expectations, react in ways you are attached to, or even feel a certain way.  They are free to be themselves, to make their own choices, mistakes, and successes.  Being supportive of those around you as you each help each other through the lessons you each chose to accept this incarnation is key to learning and keeping your heart chakra open and clear.

People still make mistakes, or may tell you lies when they are struggling with a throat chakra issue, hurt you deliberately or carelessly, and being human we may become angry with them.  Examining your anger, coming to terms with what happened, re-establishing your boundaries, and learning to forgive them for everything that they do or say is the goal of understanding yourself and who you are as a person.  You feel how you feel, but it is what you do with your own feelings that counts.


Heart Chakra: Attachments

The reasons that many negatively charged emotions occur is due to attachments.  Being attached to a certain outcome that did not happen the way you wanted it to can cause anger, being hurt, sadness and even fear.

It’s important to remember that as human beings we develop attachments naturally, but keeping them healthy is key to keeping the heart chakra clear.  A healthy attachment is a well-balanced one.

You should try not to create any imaginary mental contracts with people without them knowing about it.  A good excerpt and example of this is as follows:

You go out of your way to make other people happy because you think it will make them more sympathetic to you, and you think that’s how you earn people’s affection. When they don’t respond by going out of their way to make you happy in return, you think they’re mad at you. That’s because this you’re putting up their behavior against a sort of imaginary contract you think governs how people get along with each other, and which you think people obey if and only if they like each other.

So when your needs don’t get met this way, you conclude people must not like you. In reality, people are not meeting your needs because you aren’t asking for what you want (you think it wouldn’t be nice to impose) and they know nothing about this arrangement or how you believe the world works.

In fact, most people, if they get a sense of what you’re about, will like you less, because the idea that you can choose to do something nice for them and it puts obligations on them is really passive-aggressive. You’re pretending to want nothing, and to give everything, but really you’re making a free choice that reduces their freedom of choice by adding the consequence of hurting your feelings. If you frame your relationship in terms of “you’ll want to do nice things for me if you like me” then when other people don’t want to do nice things for you (as even your own grandmother sometimes doesn’t), they too will conclude they must just not like you.

Stop centering your life on the success or failure of an imaginary mission to make other people happy, and you’ll realize that they respond about the same whether you’re trying or not. No better, but no worse. Tell people what you want and sometimes they’ll help you. Sometimes not, but it doesn’t mean they hate you. Counter-intuitively (to someone in your position), giving people the opportunity to choose freely to do something for you makes them like you more. Similarly, a trust that you’ll only do something for a friend if you really want to makes your friendships stronger than being willing to do anything at any cost for the sake of friendship itself.

In the above example you would be attached to someone being happy and, which you can not actually do.  You are not responsible for any one else’s happiness, only your own.  People will chose to be happy or not based on their own criteria.  Measuring people based on what you think or how you would react is a form of being attached to how other people behave.  Once you realize you can not control people, the way they behave, or how they feel you can begin to understand your attachments to certain outcomes and determine whether or not if they are healthy.  Having healthy expectations of people and attachments are normal, and acceptable – the danger lies in expecting or being attached to things you can not control, especially when things start to go a way you did not expect or want.

Heart Chakra: Forgiveness

Forgiveness.  The biggest part of the heart chakra is reviewing the past and figure out what you are holding on to.  Processing the past or even the future through the lens of trying to understand what lessons you have set out for yourself is a key component of clearing the heart chakra.  A lot of the time the right to love and be loved gets confused along the ups and downs of life.  This chakra will be about attachments, forgiveness, and unconditional love – all topics many people struggle with on a daily basis.

It’s important to point out that the opposite of love is not hate.  They are actually emotionally the same thing – simply one is positively charged and the other negatively charged.  If you hate someone or feel strongly against someone, that is a clear indication that you are still expending energy on that person.  You have not forgiven them any transgressions against you.  Anger and hatred toward another person does absolutely nothing to them.  The only thing it does it make you feel unhappy, miserable and angry.  If you feel you hate someone or still react in anger, then there are still some lessons you need to contemplate on and process.  You can love passionately, and you can hate just as passionately, but it is still passion and energy that is being spent.  The actual opposite of either is indifference.

If you find you are still holding on to emotions that do nothing for you but make you feel dark and miserable, you need to ask yourself why you are still holding on to those emotions.  You may even need to realize that you should forgive yourself for your own mistakes.

Saying “I forgive you” either in person or even just mentally frees you from the burdens and baggage you are still carrying around about the things that might have happened between you.  You must understand that hatred still creates a bond between you -as long as you hold on to those emotions, you will be forever bound to them.

A good suggestion that many psychologists recommend is ‘writing letters’ which can be very releasing.  In the letter you write down why you are angry with the person.  Even if it is a list.  “I am angry at you for x.  I am angry at you for y.  I am angry with you for z.”  Write it as detailed and specific as you like, this is for you not for anyone else.  Allow yourself time to process this letter and when you are ready you may begin to understand why  you are angry and what lessons you were trying to take from each other.  What did this person or the incidents teach you?  Why did you chose for this to happen to you in this lifetime?

When you are ready you may begin to write again, this time addressing each previous reason you were or are angry.  “I forgive you for x.  I forgive you for y.  I forgive you for z.”  You may find that there are some things you are not ready to let go of, but you should have a better understand of why you are not ready to forgive certain things, and come to a better understanding of how you have allowed the past to shape your current reality.  In this way you may begin to change things you currently wish to change.

Remember, the past does not define you.  No matter what happened, YOU decide your current reality.  Forgiving those who have transgressed against you can go a long way with being able to transcend and create a more positive environment for yourself.

Heart Chakra: I LOVE


Heart Chakra

Associations (cached)
Location: center of chest
First Maturity: ages 3-4 -“terrifying threes”
Final Activation: Ages 45-46

My Favorites:
Color: Green
Stone: Malachite, Emerald, Rose Quartz
Herbs: Poppy, Pink Roses, Pine
Planet/Sign: Venus, Taurus
Archtype: Mother
Angel: Raphael

Affirmations: I deserve unconditional love.  I deserve to be loved unconditionally.  I am loved.  I love.  I am compassionate.  I deserve compassion.  I love myself exactly as I am.  I love who I am.  I am open to love.  I forgive myself.  I forgive others.  I am pure, good, and content.  Love  is everywhere.

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