The reasons that many negatively charged emotions occur is due to attachments. Being attached to a certain outcome that did not happen the way you wanted it to can cause anger, being hurt, sadness and even fear.
It’s important to remember that as human beings we develop attachments naturally, but keeping them healthy is key to keeping the heart chakra clear. A healthy attachment is a well-balanced one.
You should try not to create any imaginary mental contracts with people without them knowing about it. A good excerpt and example of this is as follows:
You go out of your way to make other people happy because you think it will make them more sympathetic to you, and you think that’s how you earn people’s affection. When they don’t respond by going out of their way to make you happy in return, you think they’re mad at you. That’s because this you’re putting up their behavior against a sort of imaginary contract you think governs how people get along with each other, and which you think people obey if and only if they like each other.
So when your needs don’t get met this way, you conclude people must not like you. In reality, people are not meeting your needs because you aren’t asking for what you want (you think it wouldn’t be nice to impose) and they know nothing about this arrangement or how you believe the world works.
In fact, most people, if they get a sense of what you’re about, will like you less, because the idea that you can choose to do something nice for them and it puts obligations on them is really passive-aggressive. You’re pretending to want nothing, and to give everything, but really you’re making a free choice that reduces their freedom of choice by adding the consequence of hurting your feelings. If you frame your relationship in terms of “you’ll want to do nice things for me if you like me” then when other people don’t want to do nice things for you (as even your own grandmother sometimes doesn’t), they too will conclude they must just not like you.
Stop centering your life on the success or failure of an imaginary mission to make other people happy, and you’ll realize that they respond about the same whether you’re trying or not. No better, but no worse. Tell people what you want and sometimes they’ll help you. Sometimes not, but it doesn’t mean they hate you. Counter-intuitively (to someone in your position), giving people the opportunity to choose freely to do something for you makes them like you more. Similarly, a trust that you’ll only do something for a friend if you really want to makes your friendships stronger than being willing to do anything at any cost for the sake of friendship itself.
In the above example you would be attached to someone being happy and, which you can not actually do. You are not responsible for any one else’s happiness, only your own. People will chose to be happy or not based on their own criteria. Measuring people based on what you think or how you would react is a form of being attached to how other people behave. Once you realize you can not control people, the way they behave, or how they feel you can begin to understand your attachments to certain outcomes and determine whether or not if they are healthy. Having healthy expectations of people and attachments are normal, and acceptable – the danger lies in expecting or being attached to things you can not control, especially when things start to go a way you did not expect or want.